Do you like video games? Then you must LOVE tits!

Video games and treating women as mindless objects to be used solely for straight male entertainment: They go together like chocolate and dog vomit.

Video games and treating women as mindless objects to be used solely for straight male entertainment: They go together like chocolate and cat piss.

I’ve been thinking a lot about assumptions lately, so I couldn’t ignore this little news item: Anyone who has an ongoing subscription to the recently defunct Electronic Gaming Monthly magazine will have all remaining issues substituted with Maxim. Boobies, everybody! Hooray!

Or, you know, not. Not if you’re a straight woman or a gay man or a feminist/ally who isn’t turned on by the unapologetic objectification of women or anyone who dislikes hideously overdone airbrushing.

Subscribers do have the option of writing the publishing company a letter asking for a pro-rated refund of the remaining time on their subscriptions, but they learned about this option through a note attached to the issue of Maxim that was mailed to them in lieu of the copy of EGM they would otherwise have received this month. Thaaat’s right, the ownership just sent people a lad mag without first giving them a chance to opt out, and made opting out as much of a pain in the ass as possible. Clearly it’s cheaper for them to send out a few more copies of a magazine they were already printing than it would be to issue refunds, so they’re trying to keep as many people as possible satisfied with what they’re getting, thereby discouraging as many people as possible from asking for their money back. And the magazine that the publishers assumed would appeal to the great possible number of gamers? Tits R Us.

Because all gamers are dudes, don’tcha know! Straight dudes! Straight dudes who can’t see—let alone touch—an actual set of boobs in real life! Which is why they will positively fucking salivate over soft-core porn! This plan is genius!

And just in case any of you are thinking, “Well, maybe the only other magazines the company publishes are Maxim and Equestrians & Miniature Model-Making Enthusiasts Monthly. Maybe Maxim really was the best option,” let me disabuse you of that notion. For do you know what company now owns and has ceased publishing EGM? It is motherfucking HEARST. Which, I don’t know if you’re aware, is only like the biggest publishing house in the entire goddamn world. According to the ever-reliable Wikipedia, Hearst owns about 200 magazines. They couldn’t have found one in there that people other than straight teenage boys might enjoy? Popular Mechanics? SmartMoney? ESPN The Magazine? For fuck’s sake, even Esquire would be better if you’re convinced that everyone who reads gaming magazine must love titties, because there are at least a few articles and some respectable new fiction in there. But no, it was Maxim that Hearst felt sure would keep the refund requests at bay.

And yet! Even most dudes (who appear to be straight, judging by their near-universal rush to note that they’re totally into boobs! Never fear! No queers here!) who are so into video games that they write about them for a living and would therefore seem to be precisely the group that Hearst was targeting with the Maxim replacement seem to think the idea is pretty fucking stupid. Crazy, right? Even these dudes—who are totally excited about tits! they are eager to remind you!—can conceive of other gamers who might not be. So why couldn’t Hearst?

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5 Responses

  1. Dayum. I somehow managed to miss the news that they had folded. I *thought* it had been a while since the last issue, but I’ve been distracted by the play and such. Guess my copy of Maxim will be showing up soon… 😦

  2. Yeah, that is really annoying. Even though I am not a gamer, my wife is, and she doesn’t dig the assumption that all gamers are porn-hungry heterosexual boys.

  3. Great post. I don’t have much to add other than this: What the heck?!? Just when I thought I couldn’t be surprised by another weird story…

    I’m a chick and I love video games…definitely wouldn’t be pleased with getting a copy of Maxim in the mail.

  4. I’m rather late to this post, but: Hearst didn’t buy EGM. They bought 1UP, the website, and Ziff-Davis shut down EGM at the same time.

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