Mulligan Monday

Goddamn, this day sucked. I really think we need a do-over.

First of all, this is not what Opening Day is supposed to look like:

Raindrops on tree branches

THIS is what Opening Day is supposed to look like:

Fenway stands, early April 2005

(Note: Photo not actually taken on an Opening Day, but during a park tour I took on approximately this date in 2005. Though I do recall, for some reason, that the weather also managed to be good for the real Red Sox home opener about a week later.)

And postponing Opening Day is just altogether unacceptable. I’ve had a countdown to baseball on my whiteboard for months, and this morning I changed it to say “Baseball TODAY!!!!!” (yes, five exclamation points) and then had to change it back to “Baseball tomorrow.” What a bringdown.

Second of all, who steals one of the ducklings?

A bronze duckling was stolen from the storied Make Way for Ducklings sculpture in the Public Garden, the beloved bird snapped off at its webbed feet, police said today.

Park Rangers on routine patrol noticed this morning that Pack, the seventh of eight ducklings, had been stolen from their brick path near the corner of Beacon and Charles streets. The young fowl have stood in a curving line behind their mother, Mrs. Mallard, since Nancy Schon created and installed the sculpture in 1987. The work celebrates Robert McCloskey’s timeless children’s book, “Make Way for Ducklings.”

Bring Pack back, asswipe(s)!

After hearing that the game was canceled and people were defacing adorable landmarks, I spent the whole day stomping around my house like a petulant 4-year-old grumbling, “Grump, grump, grump,” under my breath. Because grumpy is obviously a way you can be, but I also think that grumping is a thing you can do. And I spent all day grumping all over the place and at everyone I encountered. And if a whole day winds up taken over by a virulent case of the grumps, I think the grumper should be given a Mulligan. So I declare tomorrow Second Monday, and demand decent weather and eight ducklings. You hear me, universe?


4 Responses

  1. Stole a duckling? What the hell! Next thing you know people will be attacking Mr. Rogers.

    Oh wait.

  2. ha. love it. although I was thinking a duckling would look lovely in my back yard AND freak the dog out, which is always amusing.

  3. oh, and for the record, I did not steal Pack.

  4. I saw that, Scott! What the hell? Why are the Boomers so invested in this “The country is going to shit because your generation’s self-esteem is too high” narrative? And what gave Boomers the idea that they have a right to talk about other people’s self-involvement?

    Alyson, it’s a good thing you didn’t, because I would not abet that kind of larceny just because you’re half my commenter base. The ducklings must continue to duckle without impediment! I will grant that having a (replica!) duckling in your yard might be pretty cool, though.

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