That guy

So. You’ve been dating this guy—pretend you’re into guys—for a couple months and the two of you are spending all your time in your apartment because the chemistry’s so great—you rarely even bother to go on dates, in fact—but things outside the bedroom are progressing slowly and he’s a little aloof because he just got out of a bad relationship. And you’re a little smitten, sure, but not, like, head-over-heels, and anyway it’s OK, you can be patient. And he’s met a few of your friends but you haven’t met any of his, and you’ve dropped a couple hints about it but you’re trying not to be pushy because, you know, bad relationship. And one day he says, “Sorry, babe,”—he’s the kind of guy who says “babe”—”I have to cancel our plans for tonight. One of my buddies is moving to another state and a bunch of us are having this going-away thing and I’ll be out ’til the bars close.” And you go, “Well, we were just going to grab a beer anyway, and I’d really love to meet your friends, so why don’t I just come along? At least for an hour, just so I can say hello and learn some names.” And he says, “Oh, babe, I don’t know if that’s such a great idea. I’ll tell you what, though: You can come over my apartment tomorrow, maybe meet my roommate if he’s around.” And in that moment you realize not only that he isn’t dating you at all, he’s just using you, but also that he thinks you’re so dumb you won’t realize it and so shallow that you can be bought off with such a pathetic and obvious sop. You, of course, are insulted and infuriated because this condescending bullshit is so much worse than if he’d just frankly told you, “Babe, I only bring people I’m serious about to meet my friends.” So maybe you yell at him some, maybe you just tell him to get the hell out of your house, but you sure as shit never call his sorry ass again.

You hate that guy, right? Everybody hates that guy. Even his friends hate him a little for what he does to people who care about him, who think he cares back.

So, Barack Obama, why do you want to be that guy?

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One Response

  1. He is “that guy” in so many ways.

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