Perfect storm of Nice Guy-dom

Wow. I’ve been going through old Crap-Email-From-A-Dudes (love this feature!) and stumbled across this, the quintessence of Nice GuyTM-ness. This dude knows it’s an “absolute moral certainty” that he would be his longtime friend’s ideal partner—despite the fact that she never, in the ten years they’re known each other, liked him that way—and takes the fact that she married another guy five years ago without so much as considering his undying, unrequited love for her as a personal affront. But here’s my favorite bit:

I’m a thoroughly decent guy who is utterly devoted to you and would never even think about mistreating you or being abusive or unfaithful.

I have never seen the Nice GuyTM mindset so perfectly summed up.

But in case you’re not seeing the problem here, which is an excellent sign that you, too, might be a Nice GuyTM, I offer you this:
Dear Doodz,
Adoration and non-abuse are the absolute, rock-bottom minimum of what I require in a relationship. They are the sine qua non of dating. Because if you’re not wild about me, or you would even consider smacking me around, the relationship is done. You are not some magnanimous god of relationships for caring about your girlfriend and not treating her like shit. These things are merely prerequisites for having any relationship at all. You have just completed Being A Decent Human 101. Congratulations. You have years to go before graduation.
No love,
The Dating Pool

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